Have you ever gone out on a few dates with someone and then all of a sudden something happens and they stop calling? They disappear and you’re left feeling this tense little knot in your stomach wondering, “What happened?”
Have you gotten into arguments with the person you are dating or in a relationship with repeatedly but when you look back, you can’t remember what you were really even arguing about? Or maybe you say, “That was so stupid, why am I even mad about that!”
Well if that is you, I want to share with you a little secret about these two little glands in your body that might be ruining your chances at a happy and healthy relationship.
There is one small health issue that might be keeping you “Unlucky In Love”!
It’s your adrenal glands.
Your adrenal glands are these 3 inch little endocrine glands on top of your kidneys which release hormones like epinephrine and adrenaline into your body.
So what does that have to do with dating? It’s especially significant with online dating these days.
When you start talking to someone new… how does it feel? Do you get a little pitter patter in your heart when they call or text?
How about when you’re dating someone and that person doesn’t call you or return calls… they just disappear… how does it feel in your body?
When you have an argument that stresses you out a bit… how does it feel in your body?
When the object of your love desire tells you that the relationship is not working for them, do you feel this sickening feeling in the pit of your gut?
Maybe you caught your lover cheating with someone else. Did you notice your heart racing?
Every time something like this happens, your adrenals release the hormones to help you deal with the stress.
Now here’s the tricky part…
Your body gets so used to the release of these hormones. It’s an addiction.
Cue the song, Addicted To Love by Robert Palmer. Love IS an addiction. You often welcome and create unsatisfactory situations into your life so that your body has this hormone release (even though you might not be consciously aware you are doing this). These are unconscious and limiting behaviors.
So if you’ve ever been in situations where you keep on experiencing short lived relationships, dates that go nowhere or fights that seem to come out of left field, then this indicates that your body has an addiction to this hormone release.
This can also cause adrenal fatigue which can eventually lead to chronic illness, depression and stored belly fat from your adrenal glands also releasing the hormone cortisol when you are stressed.
So how can you counteract this, you ask?
Make a conscious effort to walk away from stressful situations.
Learning different practices to keep you calm and grounded like:
Taking a walk outside every day
Spending 10 minutes every morning doing something creative
Practice deep breathing exercises
Cut out the caffeine.
Eat organic foods and stay away from processed foods.
Don’t skip meals.
Consume less sugar.
Get plenty of sleep, 8 to 10 hours a day.
Try a yoga or tai chi class.
Notice red flags early on and have enough love for yourself to not get into a situation that might trigger your old habits.
Most importantly, when one relationship ends, give yourself time to relax and do things that help nurture your mind, body and soul.
So often, people jump right into another dating situation or relationship and this vicious cycle keeps repeating itself.
Love yourself first and true love will find you.
It’s really that simple.
Are you tired of spinning your wheels in Love? Apply for a conversation with me by clicking here.
On your side, Leslie
Leslie Ziemba – Love Empowerment Coach | Author | Time Line Therapy® Specialist
THE BOOK IS HERE! OH MY GOODNESS… the last 2 months have been insane on my end. Working with coaching clients, matchmaking, participating in a few trainings with about 40 other dating and relationship coaches across the world and FINALLY the release of my NEW BOOK – Fearless Love – Growing Through Divorce, Dating and Divine Purpose to Heal, Thrive and Attract the Love You Desire.
I just wanted to take a minute and say THANK YOU to YOU! You have been on this journey with me and I am glad to be a part of your journey as well.
My prayer is this book with encourage, guide and heal many people in the world and I would LOVE your help.
Here is a link to the ebook (you can download from any phone, laptop, tablet, pc for FREE for only 48 hours – May 25th-26th). I’m making it available for free because I would really LOVE your feedback. Please leave the good stuff on Amazon Reviews and if you have any constructive feedback that may benefit me, please share directly with me as I want to make this book beneficial to many.
Please check it out, please share with a friend and leave a review… it would mean so much to me to have you be the first to read it and I hope it will truly help many people out there!
For ranking purposes PLEASE go to the Amazon link HERE AND in the kindle search box type “Fearless Love” and you will see the book on growing through divorce, dating and divine purpose to heal, thrive and attract the love you desire.
The link does take you directly to the page but it will get ranked HIGHER if you type Fearless Love in the search box and buy it that way!
Have you ever been so frustrated with someone you are dating and picked apart every little thing about them? OMG… ME TOO! And guess what?? I ruined many relationships!
Are you chasing LOVE AWAY?
Having unrealistic or unfulfilled expectations is a sure way to ruin a relationship. When someone strongly desires that their partner meets there every expectation they become blinded to who their partner really is. Even if the person tries to meet the expectations, it will never be exactly what that person wants. That is because expectations in relationships are usually very unattainable. We all have this preconceived notion of what we want in a perfect partner. When someone has unclear or unspoken expectations they become frustrated, usually sabotaging what might be a happy relationship.
In my relationships, when I started picking apart, what was usually happening was my own self-sabotaging… NOT what he was or wasn’t doing.
It’s like this… Ask yourself, “When I get frustrated with the things he is or is not doing, what am I noticing within myself? Did the idea of him not calling me back in a timely manner (one that I would have liked) made me feel those trust or abandonment issues from my previous relationships or childhood issues with my unloving parents?”
So many times we are just projecting our own crap on to some unsuspecting person.
Developing Realistic Expectations
Recognize that there is indeed a problem. This is half the battle.
Ask yourself, “Why am I not accepting this person the way they are?”
Except responsibility for your actions and words.
Be willing to invest your time and energy into the repair process.
Set healthy boundaries. If you feel someone crosses your boundaries, it is necessary to let that person know it’s not okay to treat you this way, your boundaries protect you. It’s like a locked door – you control who you let in your house. Lock doors are your protection.
Accentuate the positive – not the negative. Couples that have a healthy relationship focus on each other’s good qualities and positive attributes, rather than bringing attention to the partners negative traits.
Express your feelings (in a healthy, non-confrontational way) and try to SEE your partner’s viewpoint. Communication can be difficult when we are angry. Blaming and criticizing can become an automatic response. Instead of attacking your partner share your feelings by using “I” statements (such as “I feel…”) It allows your partner to hear you without putting up a wall of defense. (Also be AWARE: If you are using “I feel” statements and your partner IS taking offense then there are deeper issues within the relationship.)
Seek outside assistance. Dating and relationship coaching provides individuals the tools and skills to become confident and to proactively confront and resolve situations that occur. Coaching offers skills to identify limiting beliefs that sabotage relationships. We all possess the knowledge and resources within ourselves and a coach like myself can assist in bringing this out. Communication skills are not something we are born with. Most of us come from dysfunctional families and need assistance. One thing that is predictable about a healthy relationship is that it is continuously evolving and that means commitment and work.If you find yourself increasingly nagging, criticizing or withdrawing…you need to shift gears. Take a moment to reflect on the consequences of your reactions. Strive to communicate effectively and praise more often. Relationships are like exercise, you don’t just become healthy and fit overnight, it’s an ongoing practice and commitment.
Are you noticing unhealthy expectations in your dating and relationships?
I always hear guys say that “women are crazy” or “women are impossible to figure out” or “I don’t understand women, WHAT DO WOMEN REALLY WANT?”
I work with so many men who are lost when it comes to dating. Especially dating after divorce, maybe you know you messed up somewhere in your marriage and you want to get it right this time with women.
So today I’m going to give it to you straight.
It’s not as complicated as you may think, but yes, it takes effort. YES, I said EFFORT Fellas! Let’s do this…
Take charge and make plans for dates. We don’t mind getting a say in the planning, but we don’t want to do it all. Men are often not stepping up and making decisions, leaving women in a more masculine role. Listen for what hints we give, get to know us and you’ll know where to take us. BUT the first step is to ASK!
Don’t forget us. We know you are busy at work and want to hang out with your buddies, but be considerate and don’t forget us. Go shopping with us and hold our bags. Take us out to eat. Don’t make us an afterthought in your plans – or we may one day not be there to make plans with at all. And we won’t complain so much when you plan another poker night with the guys.
Yeah, we love the romantic, lovey-dovey stuff. Most of us want the love and attention in a relationship. Do something special for us, even if it’s just picking up flowers from the grocery store. Let us know you care. Make us feel adored. Pretty simple.
Listen to us. Support us when we whine or complain or just need to talk. Just listen to what we have to say – but that doesn’t mean we need you to solve the problem for us. Sometimes we just need a sounding board as we work out the problem for ourselves. Give advice when we say we want it, but otherwise just let us talk.
Be a man and show some strength. We don’t want a mama’s boy. Be intelligent. Take care of your personal business. Go with the flow and don’t be high maintenance.
Take it a step further and have a plan and goals. We find ambition sexy, so show us some. Know what you want and pursue your goals – and make sure they’re better goals than making it to happy hour on Friday night.
Help us. Nothing is sexier to most women than a man who’s doing the dishes, washing our car, taking out our trash… even if we are just dating. Take on some household chores or offer to take the kids to school. Make dinner if you don’t know how to cook, google a recipe. Have you read the book, The Five Love Languages? I don’t know many mom’s out there that don’t love “Acts Of Service”. And no, not that service, Goober… ok well yeah sometimes! 😉
Learn the word “sorry”. No, really. Sometimes things ARE your fault. Learn how to say so and tell us sorry. That one word can sometimes help defuse situations so much.
Be present. When you’re with us, focus on us. Show us you care by giving us your attention and making us feel like the most important thing in the world. When talking, ask questions and listen to the answers without always planning your next response. After all, you know you’re nothing without us. So show your strong woman that you care.
15-20 minutes of foreplay. NO LESS! Hopefully an obvious one, but women make love with their minds, not their genitals. It takes a woman longer to be aroused than a guy and if you were a jackass during the day, forget it. Make up first and then give us at least 15 or 20 minutes of foreplay or just keep it tucked away.
The biggest thing is we want to be made to feel important and wanted. Make us feel special and you’ll keep us happy.
I think that was pretty simple. What are your thoughts?