What Women Really Want
I always hear guys say that “women are crazy” or “women are impossible to figure out” or “I don’t understand women, WHAT DO WOMEN REALLY WANT?”
I work with so many men who are lost when it comes to dating. Especially dating after divorce, maybe you know you messed up somewhere in your marriage and you want to get it right this time with women.
So today I’m going to give it to you straight.
It’s not as complicated as you may think, but yes, it takes effort. YES, I said EFFORT Fellas! Let’s do this…
- Take charge and make plans for dates. We don’t mind getting a say in the planning, but we don’t want to do it all. Men are often not stepping up and making decisions, leaving women in a more masculine role. Listen for what hints we give, get to know us and you’ll know where to take us. BUT the first step is to ASK!
- Don’t forget us. We know you are busy at work and want to hang out with your buddies, but be considerate and don’t forget us. Go shopping with us and hold our bags. Take us out to eat. Don’t make us an afterthought in your plans – or we may one day not be there to make plans with at all. And we won’t complain so much when you plan another poker night with the guys.
- Yeah, we love the romantic, lovey-dovey stuff. Most of us want the love and attention in a relationship. Do something special for us, even if it’s just picking up flowers from the grocery store. Let us know you care. Make us feel adored. Pretty simple.
- Listen to us. Support us when we whine or complain or just need to talk. Just listen to what we have to say – but that doesn’t mean we need you to solve the problem for us. Sometimes we just need a sounding board as we work out the problem for ourselves. Give advice when we say we want it, but otherwise just let us talk.
- Be a man and show some strength. We don’t want a mama’s boy. Be intelligent. Take care of your personal business. Go with the flow and don’t be high maintenance.
- Take it a step further and have a plan and goals. We find ambition sexy, so show us some. Know what you want and pursue your goals – and make sure they’re better goals than making it to happy hour on Friday night.
- Help us. Nothing is sexier to most women than a man who’s doing the dishes, washing our car, taking out our trash… even if we are just dating. Take on some household chores or offer to take the kids to school. Make dinner if you don’t know how to cook, google a recipe. Have you read the book, The Five Love Languages? I don’t know many mom’s out there that don’t love “Acts Of Service”. And no, not that service, Goober… ok well yeah sometimes! 😉
- Learn the word “sorry”. No, really. Sometimes things ARE your fault. Learn how to say so and tell us sorry. That one word can sometimes help defuse situations so much.
- Be present. When you’re with us, focus on us. Show us you care by giving us your attention and making us feel like the most important thing in the world. When talking, ask questions and listen to the answers without always planning your next response. After all, you know you’re nothing without us. So show your strong woman that you care.
- 15-20 minutes of foreplay. NO LESS! Hopefully an obvious one, but women make love with their minds, not their genitals. It takes a woman longer to be aroused than a guy and if you were a jackass during the day, forget it. Make up first and then give us at least 15 or 20 minutes of foreplay or just keep it tucked away.
The biggest thing is we want to be made to feel important and wanted. Make us feel special and you’ll keep us happy.
I think that was pretty simple. What are your thoughts?
33 Things To NEVER Say on a First Date
So you got her to say yes to a first date and you want to impress her. Sometimes the best way to impress her is to know when to shut your mouth.
No, really. There’s no quicker way to bomb that first date than to say the wrong thing. Some things make you seem like a show off, others make you come across like you only want to score. And there’s a few things that, if you say them, will only make her think you’re a jerk.
To steer you in a positive direction, here’s 33 things to NEVER say on a first date.
1) They know me so well here that they know what I drink. It’s OK to drink in moderation on a first date, but you want to limit it and not say anything that makes you come across like a drunk. That’s especially true if your first date is at a bar. You don’t want to give her the impression that – if you date – that is where she’ll find you.
2) I believe in women being equal, so can we split this tab? Chivalry still reigns supreme for women. Open the door for her, pull out her chair for her and above all pay the tab. You don’t want to come across as cheap. Also, leave those buy one order get one free coupons at home.
3) Nice rack or boobs. It’s OK to tell a woman how beautiful she looks or that you like what she’s wearing, but just don’t go there. Not only is it a crude thing to say, but it’s sending a signal that you’re more interested in getting her to bed than in finding out anything else about her.
4) Are you going to eat that? Such a remark can come across as critical and makes you seem controlling. If you have a specific reason to suggest not ordering something, like you’ve tried it and think it’s awful, explain it. Otherwise don’t judge her choices.
5) I Googled you and I see you like to have fun! Just downright creepy. Even if you do stalk her online, don’t tell her. You also don’t want to give her the impression that you’re judgmental.
6) I conducted a background check but couldn’t find you. Can I get your Social Security number? Even more creepy and it makes you sound paranoid. If there’s anything telling you that you’re going out with the wrong woman, follow your gut.
7) Damn, that chick is hot. Definitely a line to kill the date on the spot. Focus your attention totally on your date and let her believe she’s the most beautiful woman in the world. Don’t even look in another woman’s way, much less announce that you are.
8) Do you like anal? The first date definitely isn’t the time to peruse her sex habits. It makes you sound crude and risks cutting off any chance for a second date much less a sexual encounter.
9) I have to check in with my parole officer. I will be right back. Announcing you’ve got a criminal record likely isn’t the best opener on a first date. Even if it’s not for something serious, you’ll come across as public enemy number one.
10) When’s the last time you had sex? Just don’t go there. Mentioning sex on a first date makes you sound sex crazed, and it could be taken the wrong way. You don’t know her dating history or, if she hasn’t had sex for awhile, why. Don’t chance opening any old wounds.
11) Damn girl, you look like you work out. If you think she’s physically fit, there’s better ways to tell her – and without eyeballing her up and down. Don’t give her the impression that you’re only looking at what you want to work out on her.
12) I’d really love to meet a woman who makes more money than me. Don’t be a gold digger. Such a line makes you sound not generous and risks making your date think you’re after her money more than her. You may as well announce you live in your parents’ basement.
13) Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some? Don’t come across like a jackass. Sexual propositions aren’t the best on a first date, and it’s not the place to try out your humor – especially if it sucks.
14) I’m Catholic and don’t believe in divorce, but I don’t see my wife much anymore. No woman’s going to want that kind of drama, especially the first time you go out. It’s a corner in a love triangle that she isn’t going to want to be.
15) Can we go somewhere else? My ex is here and I’m technically not supposed to be within 100 feet of her. Her likely next question is going to be why, and your best explanation isn’t going to make her stop thinking your ex had the right idea – especially if there’s a history of domestic violence or stalking in your past.
16) I’m in between jobs right now. No matter how handsome you may be, letting a woman know you aren’t economically stable isn’t the wisest move you can make. If a woman is impressed and thinking you’re a great catch, giving her an idea you can’t keep a job may stall that impression cold. Besides, why are you then dating? Get your shit in order first!
17) I washed and waxed my Corvette and my boat today! No one wants a show off, and if she does it may be a sign she’s after your money more than anything else. Don’t say anything that will make you come across as flashy.
18) My therapist says I’m really doing much better nowadays. Definitely too much drama to let out on a first date. She isn’t going to want to be your shrink and think she’s just doomed to hear your problems.
19) Want to come back to my place and jump in the hot tub? That’s definitely another way to let her know you want to score rather than get to know her. It may also make her wonder just what kind of woman you think she is. Even if you think she’s interested in some after-date fun, there’s better ways of finding out than that.
20) OMG I love you so much already. Let’s get married! Say that and OMG she’s going to run like hell. Let things happen naturally no matter how great she may be. A first date is a time to get to know each other, not to plot out your happily ever after fantasies.
21) Here’s my list of food allergies and what I’m looking for in a perfect mate. I figured I’d print them off for you. Keep what you’re after to yourself and see if she meets those demands. It’s a first date, not a marriage proposal. There’s plenty of time to see if she’s the one.
22) How much do you make a year? Again, it makes it sound like you’re after money more than her. Don’t sound like a gold digger, and avoid questions that could make it seem like you’re judging her. There’s numerous reasons someone may not make as much as they’d like.
23) I would take you back to my place but I’m having a new cabinet (or anything else) installed. Even if it’s true, she’s going to think there’s another reason you don’t want to take her there. At the least, she’ll be afraid your place is a mess. At the most, she’ll think you’re cheating on your wife.
24) Wow, your friend is really hot. A line like that will lead you to sitting alone at a table in no time. A woman wants to hear how she’s hot, not her friend. Even if your next line is how hot she is, her look at you is going to be nothing but cold.
25) Sorry I’m late. My ex picked up my son an hour late and she was drunk again. DRAMA ALERT. She doesn’t want to hear it and she doesn’t want to be in the middle of it, so just zip that mouth and don’t say a word about it. Try to eliminate the drama from your life (Otherwise you will attract Drama-filled people).
26) Can I interest you in some life insurance? A first date definitely isn’t the place to make a sale. Also, mentioning life insurance just falls into that creepy area again. Is there any reason she should question whether she needs to be thinking about life insurance?
27) You remind me of my mother. Even if your mother’s the most wonderful woman in the world, no woman’s going to want to be compared to her – especially on a first date. She’s either going to think you have a mommy complex or cross you off as a psychopath. Either one’s going to stop cold any chance of a second date.
28) I love collecting guns and going hunting. Not everyone loves to hunt, and your date may not be that impressed that you shot Bambi’s cousin last weekend. Plus if she’s thinking about going home with you, your announcement that there are guns and knives there will likely give her second thoughts and some chills down her spine as well.
29) My ex is just a loser. Be positive and make a great first impression. Don’t say anything that’s going to make your date wonder what you’ll think of her if things don’t work out.
30) My boss just doesn’t get me. Don’t leave her with the impression you’re a slacker or you blame things on anyone but you. Even if your struggles with your workplace aren’t your fault, a first date isn’t the time for workplace negativity. Again, keep it positive – or simply say you’re hunting for something better.
31) When was the last time you were checked for STD’s? Good that you want to be safe but for heaven’s sake, not on the first date. Take your time and get to know her for a few dates before you jump into the personal health questions.
32) You’re pretty, why are you still single? Chances are we don’t want to just settle to be in a relationship. Be glad we are picky but picked you.
33) Are those real? Guess what, you probably won’t find out either. Again, don’t focus on anything sexual. And don’t be rude.
In my years of dating I have come across many ridiculous questions so I have comprised a “Book of AWESOME Questions” to ask when on dates. For a FREE copy go to http://wp.me/P6wMN0-GP
P.S. I have also teamed up with Justin Stenstrom, nationally acclaimed life coach, author, entrepreneur, and speaker. He is the founder of EliteManMagazine.com … His mission is to provide men with the best tools and the following is a list of 40 of the best first date tips ever assembled—from some of the greatest dating coaches, relationship coaches, matchmakers, lifestyle coaches, and social experts on the planet! Take their tips and their advice and really soak them in. Many of these professionals have been helping men just like you for years and years; so believe in what they say.
Follow their steps, and your next first date will go great! And yes, it may be your last first date.
Check it out HERE!
I have so many guys say to me, “I’m a nice guy and nice guys never get the girl.”
My dear friend Anne Wade wrote this blog a while back and I just wanted to share with you all.
Thanks Anne! XOXO
“Soulmate question: I feel like I have failed miserably. I’ve never had a soulmate relationship. In fact, I have a terrible time meeting women. I feel worthless and hopeless about my prospects of meeting someone these days. I’m always the nice guy that seems to finish last. How can I turn my luck around?
I have great news for you! Nice guys don’t always finish last. We just need to help you start fishing in a better pond.
Let’s Start with Your List
You do have a list, right? The purpose of making a list is not to create a rigid model, but to help you get to know yourself and what you truly want better. It isn’t enough to say you want someone attractive or intelligent or kind. That’s way too vague and will only get vague results at best. You need to understand what each of those things means to you. What do these traits look like in daily action? How do they behave? What do they believe? Where do they hang out? The more clear you are, the easier it will become to meet women who match your desires.
Follow Your Bliss(es)
But what if your ideals are vague at this stage? Does that mean you’re stuck? Not at all! You can get started right now by following your own interests more actively. Notice that says “interests,” plural.
Let’s face it – if your main pastime is hanging out in a sports bar with the guys, the dating pool you meet might be pretty small and might not address any of your other preferences. Or maybe you are a homebody who comes home every night and crashes. It isn’t very likely your soulmate will just happen to ring the doorbell one evening.
Expand your own life. What else interests you? Volunteer. Participate. Change your routine. This is where MeetUp can be your new best friend. There is a group for almost anything or you can always start your own. You aren’t the Lone Ranger. If you are interested, others are as well. Get out and indulge those interests!
I can see some of you rolling your eyes right now. “Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard that before. Yeah, right.” You’ve heard it before because it works. It’s simple, straightforward, and it works.
Adopt this philosophy: If I do the things I like, I will meet other people who like these same things. And even if I don’t immediately meet someone to date, I’ll be having fun and making new friends who might introduce me to someone.
How Do You Present Yourself?
How women present themselves is a frequent topic, but men need to consider this as well. You do sound like a nice guy, but consider this: There’s a huge difference between presenting yourself as the nice guy who is everybody’s buddy vs. the nice guy who is open and available which is also a far cry from the nice guy who is needy or down in the dumps.
Consider chatting with a couple of women friends candidly. Make sure you choose women who truly value you and have your best interest at heart. Ask them how you appear to other women. Invite suggestions. Be prepared to receive whatever they say as merely information, not criticism.
Then give their comments some thought. How would you feel about yourself if you adopted their suggestions? You might conclude you would feel better even if changing sounds a bit daunting. You might realize that the changes they suggest would not feel genuine for you. Regardless, the information will help you have a better idea of how you come across and how that matches (or doesn’t match) your view of yourself and your desires in a mate.
Sometimes, Even When You Think You’re Clear…
So let’s say you make your list and you listen to these friends and you begin making changes. You are almost guaranteed to be attracting new women into your life. But what if you still aren’t finding someone you are interested in dating long-term who is also interested in dating you? There’s a name for this: The “Good on Paper” Syndrome.
Thankfully, it isn’t fatal. It just means you are almost on the right track.
Remember the part about your list not being a rigid model? The thing is we can meet people who check off every point on our list and still not feel an emotional connection with them. Or we pass over people who don’t check every box and miss out on someone with whom we could really connect. The list can be extremely helpful as you get to know yourself and your ideal mate IF you take the time to truly understand what it is telling you. Consider these two examples:
• The man who has listed out everything he wants in a woman, but has walked away from dating women his friends didn’t think were attractive. What he really wanted was a woman everyone around him thought was attractive who also had the other traits he liked.
• The woman who wanted to date a financially responsible man, but walked away from dating a man who didn’t make as much money as she thought was acceptable, even though he was very good at managing what he made and lived well. What she really wanted was a wealthy man.
Making the list is Step 1. Understanding what it is saying to you is the equally important Step 2.
The Women You Attract, or Are Attracted to, Are Not Attracted to You
We would naturally like to think that the kind of people we are attracted to would be attracted to us in return, but you already know that isn’t always the case. You have to get inside the head and heart of the kind of woman you want to attract and get to know what she is looking for in her own mate. And start matching that in yourself.
This is NOT about being fake or trying to become someone you are not. This is about getting to know yourself and your desired mate so intimately that you are able to become your own best self and help bring out her best self. You should never have to change the essence of who you are in order to be with someone, but you should always be willing to continue becoming your own personal best.
Let’s say you are attracted to strong independent women. And let’s remember that every personality “type” comes in a variety of flavors. Some strong independent women like strong independent men. Others like men who are very supportive and nurturing. Which profile is more natural to you? Nurturing that aspect of yourself will eventually attract women who desire that quality.
It’s imperative to know what our ideal mate is seeking so we know how to show them love. Showing love to another is the fastest and most effective way to cultivate more love in our own lives. In love as in all things, The Giver becomes the Receiver. If your current lifestyle is not a match for the person you want to attract, you have two options: you can either modify what you want or modify your lifestyle. The choice is entirely yours, but staying in your old ways will only keep you disconnected from what you claim you want.
When you find yourself either not attracting the kind of women you desire or attracting the “wrong” kind of women, (Remember they aren’t “wrong” people, just possibly the wrong match for you.), you have some homework to do. Take a good look at what you think you want and decide if it’s what you really want or if it was “good on paper.”
You Don’t Find a Soulmate, You Become One
Once you have figured out what kind of person you would really like to be with and what they are likely seeking in their own mate, begin nurturing the qualities in yourself that are a match. Sometimes that also means cultivating new habits, hobbies, and beliefs. Remember, you are drawing out parts of yourself that have been hidden or dormant. You are NOT becoming a fake person.
Shake things up a bit in your life. You aren’t very likely to meet someone new and different who is a better match by continuing to do the same old things in the same old way. Look for new ways to express yourself and your interests. See yourself through the eyes of the woman you would like in your life. Then shift your days to become a better match for what you both want. And transform yourself into a living breathing mating call for your ideal date.” – Anne Wade – Soulmate Dance
If you are the nice guy needed some extra advice, please CLICK HERE to schedule a FREE Consultation with me and let’s talk!
I wish for you an abundant life full of Love, Peace, Happiness!
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Leslie Ziemba – Certified Matchmaker, Law of Attraction Practitioner and Dating Consultant!